Spouse with AS

Another post about living with a spouse with AS. (or is it?) We are loving, family-oriented, prayerful, busy, tired, and agree on which puppy to pick. I cannot put my finger on an issue at the moment... but seems as if something is awry anyhow. Will everyday always feel like this? I am not "looking" for problems... I like the peace. But somehow I feel like it will blow up again, soon- very soon. It is probably MY head issues... I have succombed to it - I don't feel so NT now. Nothing to be done... just keep busy, stay positive & release on this blog.

Rewards System

I have been on the look out for something that will work with my son, to help him understand consequences, reward for hard work & life in general. This is what I found: I am trying the "Ticket System" with my 6 yo son, starting tomorrow. I purchased a roll of tickets at Wal-Mart for less than $4.00, to hand out to him when I catch him being good & when he cooperates during the day.

He will get some t.v. time at bedtime, play Cartoon Network games online or have chocolate ice cream as his rewards. These are the only things that entice him, so I am using it.

We will see how well it works, I will update.

Autism Twitter Day- DEC 16

Will you join us? Autism Twitter Day – Tuesday, Dec 16th pacific standard time – 9AM, 12:30 PM and 8 PM. Prizes will be given out and a panel will be available with information and to answer questions. This is open to twitter members, specifically those who are members of the autism community, whether it be a parent, sibling or relative. If you are on the spectrum you are welcome to take part. Most of the prizes are geared to children and young adults with autism or asperger syndrome. The hashtag to be used for autism twitter day is #ASD. This means when you post a tweet that day which is on the topic of autism – positive autism awareness, please use the hashtag, either in front or at end of the tweet. Open up a window at www.summize.com and input #ASD to follow along with the conversation at the specified times. Most likely they will run longer than one hour. Stay tuned here and to my blog for prize and panel info. We will be testing your knowledge on autism spectrum disorders, this is how the prizes will be awarded. Bonnie has assembled an ever-growing collection of prizes, ranging from a children’s hammock (Charlie is too big for this, I suspect) to software to storytime felt sets. I’m not a big Twitter-er (my Twitter id is autismvox) but will be sure to be Twitter-ing on December 16th, and I don’t think I’ll be alone. So join in and see what you can find out and or contribute. You can follow along #ASD here!

Do You Twitter?

I have discovered that I like the online app, Twitter> www.twitter.com/somewannaknow is my screen name... I have many 'acquantinces' on there that are Autism advocates & I have met some neat people. Thought I would share... Oh, Gavin Bollard is on there, too!

The Zac Browser

The Zac Browser- created by a parent with Autistic children in mind. Works well for any child, in my opinion. Keeps the child on certain sites, with minimal distractions, such as ads, pop-ups, etc.

User-friendly to use & Free to download!

"We have made this browser for the children - for their enjoyment, enrichment, and freedom. Children touch it, use it, play it, interact with it, and experience independence through ZAC." -zacbrowser.com

Watch a AP news report about it here .

Must see! No problems so far... love it, actually!

Making Picture Schedules

Making Picture Schedules & Story Strips for daily life for someone with AS.

Thanks to dotolearn.com for the clip art. I have a 6 yo son with Asperger's, as many of you know. We have a very hard time transitioning him into getting dressed for our Bible Services, especially. He knows he will be sitting, though we allow him to draw, write & look at books while there, hence the non-cooperativeness. He usually opts out of the choices we give him to do while there & wiggles around instead. Understandable, we are lenient in this situation. We allow him to undo his top button & take off his shoes while sitting; which is way more than would be otherwise expected, I think.

So, in light of this, I have made several Picture/ Visuals for him & it helps, so we will stick with it till it stops helping. Thought I would share...

Wordless Wednesday

Asperger's Oriented Books I Love

Four Books that I cannot get enough of & use them for references throughout my life:

*The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood a definitive handbook for anyone affected by AS.

The chapters examine: causes & indications of the syndrome; the diagnosis & its effect on the individual; theory of mind; the perception of emotions in self and others; social interaction; including friendships; long-term relationships; teasing, bullying & mental health issues; the effect of AS on language & cognitive abilities, sensory sensitivity, movement & co-ordination skills; career development.

*Parenting Your Asperger Child by Alan Sohn, Ed.D, and Cathy Grayson, M.A. individualized solutions for teaching your child practical skills

The chapters examine: everyday challenges- from getting dressed, to riding in the car, to applying for a job; improving interactions in social situations & school integration.

*The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome by Maxine C. Aston a guide to living in an intimate relationship with a partner who has AS.

The chapters examine: the initial diagnosis; OCD or Special Interests; Socializing; Communication; Living & coping with AS; Getting your message across; Anger & AS; Sex; Money; Parenting; Routines; AS cannot be blamed for everything!; Staying Together

NT- Neuro Typical means??!!

I was reading today online about what NT means... I thought it interesting to find what some AS peoples were saying: Quoted from Discussion Boards on Wrongplanet.com ; about what NT really is: "neuro typical is to have a typical neuronal environment in the brain. there are few people who are not neurotypical. . . even schizophrenics are NT's. bipolar people are NT. antisocial personality people are NT. autism is an "organic" situation rather than a "functional" one. functional illnesses are illness like schizophrenia where a person is predisposed, and an environmental trigger is the catalyst. organic ones are where there is actual structural changes in the brain that account for the condition. alzheimers disease is organic, paresis is organic. autism is organic. it is not functional which means it is not dependent on environment or nurture. so NT's have otherwise normal brains and they can have a range of psycopathy's and psychoses. autistic brains are (i am sorry to say) mildy damaged and so autistics are not typical in "normal neuronal discourse". Agree? or not?

Thoughts I Gleaned...

• We- and our children- are shaped by our experiences, failure, disappointment, and fear can make it difficult to push ahead & to try again.

• It takes practice to find the factors to contribute to success.

• There are some things that will never change, when you have AS.

• Much can be done, though, to teach skills for coping outside of it & to teach a measure of comfort.

-thoughts gleaned from Oasis Guide to AS

Must See Short Film on Asperger's

A Short Film made by some students about Asperger's. Using Biomotion/ like Claymation... http://biomation.blogspot.com/2008/01/aspergers-film-version-1.html Must see for all Aspergians & family members alike!

More Insight...

"Children who are labelled with Asperger's Syndrome do not need more structure and direction in their lives; they need considerably less.

They need, primarily, to be freed from being seen as products or being objectified and defined by a list of subjective observations.

They need parents who are unquestioningly on their side, not to impose their own or so-called experts' agendas on their children in the name of loving assistance, but simply to assist their children in carrying forward their own intrinsically motivated lives in process.

To do this requires a willingness to ask radical questions and to let go of many entrenched assumptions about education, psychology and parenting, to name but a few.

It requires going against mainstream and often allegedly expert opinion.

It is not an easy path.

It is not a neglectful path.

It is a moral path."

Jan Fortune-Wood

I say... you think...

Maybe this is not logical to you... but I like it.

I say ... 

and you think ... ?

1. Coverage ::  Bikini
2. Cynical ::  Comedian
3. Gust ::  Pasta
4. Improvised ::  Acting
5. V ::  Vagina
6. Guests ::  Party
7. Brutal ::  Bluto
8. Grant :: College
9. Pull ::  Push
10. Streaming ::  blogging

I Don't Want to be Classified as a "CUREBIE"!

What is a curebie?

(Taken from "Life w/Asperger's" blog) You are a curebie if any of the following ring a bell.

1. You think that one day, with enough funding, someone will invent a magic pill, therapy or operation that the kid can take which will make them Neurotypical (NT).

2. You think that you can simply change a kids diet, parents, proximity to power sources, TV or Game viewing/playing hours and they'll suddenly become NT.

3. You think you can make a kid NT by electroshocking them, beating them, locking them up or otherwise torturing them into normality.

4. You think that being Aspie or Autistic is wrong..wrong...wrong. A burden thrust onto you (a parent) which needs to be "fixed".

5. You don't think anyone would be happy the way they are unless they are NT.

6. All you want is for your child to be the same as everyone else's child.

7. You think that any money collected for autistic children should be funneled into research into finding a cure rather than being spent on improving their quality of life.

8. Your child's condition diminishes your love for him/her - you'd love them more if they were NT.

9. You're certain that Asperger's or Autism isn't genetic, it's caused by outside/environmental factors which can be cured.

(That being quoted, I look/have looked into ways to relieve my son's moods... I was looking for relief.  If something simple presents itself & brings relief that HE views as relief, then I will most likely stick with it, with no regrets!!)

Wordless Wednesday

Having High Expectations

HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS when working/parenting your as child

Do not assume the person cannot do something just because the person has Autism orAsperger's syndrome.

 Do not be controlled by the person's IQ score.

 It is very difficult to accurately measure the IQ of a child who has Autism. 

Expect the person to behave, to answer you when you ask a question, to come when you call, and to complete a task you assign. The person with Autism may need more time than others to do these things and may need your help, but continue to expect good things from them.

 Above all, do not excuse bad behavior because you feel sorry for the person with Autism. 

The first change many of us need to make when we work with those with Autism is to stop thinking of persons with Autism as helpless victims. 

Persons with Autism are people. 

They are people with feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs.

They respond to positive reinforcement, love, attention, punishment, and all the things we experience in life. 

However, they may respond in different ways.

 

Are Aspergians really Rude & Inconsiderate?

Quote from John Elder Robinson's article on Psychology Today Blog, entitled "Are Aspergians Really Rude & Inconsiderate?"

"Sometimes people ask me, "What kind of person should a guy with Asperger's look for?"I can't speak for you, but this is an answer that's worked for me:

People with Asperger's have very weak sensitivity to other people's thoughts and feelings. But we often offset that with exceptionally strong logical brains. Therefore, we are wise to seek a mate with exceptional emotional sensitivity and less logical brainpower. Then, our mental abilities compliment each other's. One of us has great emotional intelligence, and the other has great logical intelligence. Individually, we're each weak. Together, though, we are very strong."

Perfect for me to understand as a non-aspie.   Thanks John Elder for making it clear & for helping me take one step closer tounderstanding this commonly misunderstood "language".

Asperger's World

Support can be found here

Jenny McCarthy? NOOOOO!!!!!

What is this nonsense???!!!

"I SAVED MY SON"?? He needed "fixing"??

She is specifically quoted as saying:

"I made a deal with God," she explains. "I said, 'You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it.'"



Wow, if I was not  determined to stay neutral & all that, I would rally against her.  

All the hype is killing me!!  Why do a lot of parents think she is a saint? Am I missing something??!!

 She makes me ill!

I discussed this with my friend the other day that JM had said she "cured" her son & she said," NO, that is NOT what she said."

Oh yeah???  It is right here:

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jenny-mccarthy-my-son-is-no-longer-autistic?page=6

I realize I am usually neutral- but this is pestering me to no end at the moment.

Sorry for the rant!

Wordless Wednesday

I ♥ My Aspie!

I say it with pride!! I have a life full of them, it defines my life now. I cannot escape the facts! .....

I ♥♥♥ the Aspies in my life !!

I don't say it out of hurtfulness, I don't say it to be derogatory.

It is a term of affection & I am sticking with that.

Name-calling is not accepted in our home, by the way. I think this term is cute & don't ask me why I want to use 'cute' terms...

I don't know why. As you can see from the random pictures in this post, I just like CUTE things!

I also add "y" to other words, like THING-Y, for instance.

If anyone uses this term negatively, then shame on them. We cannot always NOT OFFEND, as we are all different & think & speak differently. Differences should be celebrated.

My family uses the term lightly with the 3, count 'em THREE Aspies living in the house. I don't hear or use the term daily. It is said occassionally, at random times.

I don't even call my guys with AS "ASPIES" to their faces, unless they are really 'stewing' for a long while over something. It helps them to snap out of it sometimes. I don't use the term AT ALL with my youngest, as he is not dealing well with terms of endearment right now, in general.

We use it to identify Aspergian traits- not to stifle them, but to keep differences well spoken of. I am screwed up, yes?!! No?!?? I don't know, but it works for us. Keeping differences, not to take center stage, but for acceptance to others in the family. (As I re-read this statement, it does not do justice to what I am TRYING to say... I'm sorry my rant is not taking the logical route today.) My dh has opinions on how I act; he calls it "obstinance". No offense taken by me... I accept that I am not perfect in every way. What IS perfection anyhow? What IS normal? After exploring this issue for a couple of years now, the family accepts the differences, it is not an insult... it is just a LOGICAL fact that my Aspies cannot deny!! Logic rules their lives, remember? I have read: "Author and speaker Liane Holliday Willy coined the term "Aspie" in 1999 and people with the the syndrome might refer to one another with this term."

Good Advice for Parents dealing with Meltdowns

Good advice: Sounds like Tony Attwood's book, but it is not referenced at the blog I found it on.

Meltdown in Asperger children is triggered by a response to their environment. .

These responses can be caused by avoidance desire, anxiety or sensory overload. Triggers need to be recognized and identified. So how do we deal with a meltdown? What should you do when meltdown occurs? 1. Take 3 slow, deep breaths, and rather than dreading the meltdown that’s about to take place, assure yourself that you’ve survived meltdowns 1000 times before and will do so this time too.

2. Keep your speaking voice quiet and your tone neutrally pleasant. Don’t speak unnecessarily. Less is best. Don’t be “baited” into an argument. (Often Asperger children seem to “want” to fight. They know how to “push your buttons”, so don’t be side-tracked from the meltdown issue).

3. Slow down. Meltdown often occurs at the most inconvenient time e.g. rushing out the door to school. The extra pressure the fear of being late creates, adds to the stress of the situation. (Asperger children respond to referred mood and will pick up on your stress. This stress is then added to their own.) So forget the clock and focus on the situation. Make sure the significant people in your life know your priorities here. Let your boss know that your Asperger child has meltdowns that have the capacity to bring life to a standstill, and you may be late. Let your child’s teacher know that if your child is late due to a meltdown that it’s unavoidable, and your child shouldn’t be reprimanded for it.

4. Prioritize safety when your Asperger child is having a meltdown. Understand that they can be extremely impulsive and irrational at this time. Don’t presume that the safety rules they know will be utilized while they’re melting down. Just because your Asperger child knows not to go near the street when they are calm doesn’t mean they won’t run straight into 4 lanes of traffic when they are having a meltdown. If your Asperger child starts melting down when you’re driving in the car, pull over and stop. If your child tends to “flee” when melting down, don’t chase them. This just adds more danger to the situation. Tail them at a safe distance (maintain visual contact) if necessary.

5. Re-establish self control. When your Asperger child is calm and has regained self-control, he will often be exhausted. Keep that in mind as you work through the meltdown issue. Reinforce to your child the appropriate way to express their needs/requests.

Remember that all behaviour is a form of communication, so try to work out the ‘message’ your Asperger child is trying to convey with their meltdown, rather than responding and reacting to the behaviour displayed.

Transitioning Hurts!

I truly believe that, as a 6 year old, my son's head aches, even thinking about transitioning.

We want him to get dressed- he melts ---- down-----!!!

I need him to go to the store with me, he whines, fights, complains;

as he "does NOT want to get dressed!!!!!"

It is seemingly NEVER going to end.

AS & DRIVING

I am asking all ones with Asperger's to respond & all parents who have had AS drivers in their families to respond.

Does AS affect attention span during driving?

We can all be distracted while driving, that is a given... but what about stimming while driving?

What if we start getting deep into our thoughts & cannot remember how we arrived at our destination or missed a turn & never arrived?

That is when it becomes a problem.

I have a teen son who is taking Driver's Ed & frankly, I am worried about it. He has AS... he claims, when practicing driving that he "did not know" that law, or did not "see" that curb.

He passed the intial permit test, obviously, because he can drive with an adult in the car.

Any advice? Any lessons learned? Care to share?

Milk & Hyperactivity

Today I am thinking of Milk Sensitivities & their relation to hyperactivity. My soon-to-be 6 yo son is very active. HYPER-active, that is. Last week, I took the dive & cut down his milk intake by half. Wonders of wonders! His activity level just about halved, too! We had already taken him off of artificial food colorings a year ago, which helped tremendously with tantrums & meltdowns. But, the milk thing, I had put off, after he realized I had switched his ever-loving WHOLE MILK for SOY! Horrors! He banned all milk intake for 4 days when he realized he had been tricked... so, I was turned off by the idea last year. So, we tried again & seeing as he is more reasonable this go-around, it is working. He is not screaming for his milk, he says he understands that the milk makes him feel bad. Last week, in the middle of a tantrum, he declared that he did not like the way he was feeling. He has been on half of what he consumed for over a week & things are looking up. :) Not drinking cow’s milk is certainly a simple and safe intervention to try. And, as we like to say, if what you are doing works, don’t mess with it. But if it doesn’t work, try something else.

Pondering New Obsessions

Today I am thinking about my sons' obsessions.

• the soon-to-be 6 yo is now obsessed with Spore game & the new puppies outside.



• The teenage Aspie is obsessed with weight-lifting... gaining muscle weight, etc.

What causes this?

Some obsessing is natural, huh?

When does it become unnatural? When it starts interfering with necessary actions in life, then it is considered unnatural, right?

Just wondering in general about this... nothing important.

Staying at Home all the time

I try to be compassionate & understand... my 5 year old wants to stay home all the time. Did you hear me?? ALL THE TIME! It is not an exagerration. What do I do? What do I push him to do?

When I have talked to him about it, he says he "just wants to stay at home." Simple as that. Input welcome!

Wordless Wednesday

Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien

..."tend to have specialized interests, and we will talk about them, ad infinitum, whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to soliloquize, I often choose silence, although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking, we are called "little professors," or arrogant." quote from an article on CNN I found.

Asperger's & Rx Meds

One adult described his reaction to medication as this: "It was like I was locked out of my own home." -Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to AS My dh, on Rx meds for a "mood disorder", says precisely the same thing. He says he still has the experience on the inside, but just does not have the energy to express the feeling.

Which is good for us, but very bad for him. We don't have to experience any "blow-ups" but he has the same feelings, jitteriness, wooziness,anger, frustration- but is too doped up to care. Now, that is not to say he cannot function. He goes to work everday & works a little after work... he says he just feels like he is in a fog all day.

I feel rueful for him... no one knows the "real" him like I do. But, he probably likes it better that way anyhow. AS men tend to be mysterious like that.

Teaching An Asperger's Child At Home & Its Challenges

AS Homeschooling Challenges I have an AS child. We teach at home. We have challenges, just like any other home with AS' children or just like any home with a child, for that matter~!

We are happy with our set-up. We have fun. *(sometimes)* When I had a trip planned to the Fire Station today, J. did not want to go. He seen the fire trucks "last time", he says. He said he has "already been''. Why go again!!?? Did I "make" him go? NO! Is he being a bratty-turd? NO! Why make all parties involved miserable, that is starting to be my philosophy.