At Another Crossroad

I feel as if our family is at another crossroad with the youngest son. He is 8 now and he is "feeling" more than ever! Real emotions. This could get hairy!

Communication Between Adults & their Spouses

Nice article found at The Autism News

"The NT will need to accept the fact that they must learn a new way of communicating. They’ll need to understand that their partner does not “catch” nuances and hints and intimations that a neurotypical individual might. These things are invisible to the Aspie. Not because they have chosen this to be so. But simply because it is so. Facial expressions, small sighs, innuendo … these are wasted and non-productive. A straightforward and verbally precise manner is needed on the part of the NT.

And, if their AS mate values the relationship, and is willing to listen to this direct communication, life can change for the better. The Aspie needs to heed the NT’s feelings, even though the Aspie has no sense of this for themselves. If the Asperger’s spouse is willing to act on the NT’s stated needs, the partnership can work. The partners can find fulfillment together."

"No One is Perfect and You are a Great Kid!"

New book with this title, being released: "No One is Perfect and You are a Great Kid!" There is a review here of this book & an interview with the author, Kim Hix.

JER= Genius

He is ... he is a genius. John Elder Robinson, that is. Just read this post about the value of neurological testing; he is super wise, super smart & my dh & myself could not agree more. Thanks, JER. One of his commenters says this: "Aspergers = not a brat. People are so much more compassionate when they have a label to work with. And my daughter is MOST DEFINITLY not a brat. " CORRECT-A-MUNDO, unfortunately... thanks to her, too! That is a brilliant perspective that helps justify my behaviors that are meant to deal with the AS in my life.

Ticket Reward System

The ticket reward system is going well. J.'s behavior has actually improved! Improvement is good!!! He receives tickets for small chores, obeying, eating breakfast, getting dressed, taking his vitamins, cooperating at the library, playing educational games, etc.

For rewards:

5 tickets gets him:

watch cartoons, make goo or play-doh, eat ice cream, play with shaving cream, play video game online, get chocolate milk at bedtime.

10 tickets gets him: having a friend over, making a campfire & roasting marshmallows, watching a movie.

20 tickets gets: go to Cici's, go to the playground, an action figure at the store, pick a surprise out of the wrapped gifts bag.

50 tickets gets: a new video game

He is now in the process of saving for the new video game. It will take him about 2 weeks, but that means he cannot afford to purchase anything else in the meantime.

Survival Guide to Persons w/ AS

Survival Guide, you ask? Yes, indeedy... that is if they care about being understood, it seems. Others will not just mark it up to being "weird" if they understand... or maybe you don't care... you don't have to, it is up to each individual. COPING:A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR PEOPLE WITH ASPERGER SYNDROME These pages are a copy of the book, 'Coping: A Survival Guide for People with Asperger Syndrome' by Marc Segar. This is a valuable piece of writing which is worthy of as wide a readership as possible - which is why we have put it on the web.

Spouse with AS

Another post about living with a spouse with AS. (or is it?) We are loving, family-oriented, prayerful, busy, tired, and agree on which puppy to pick. I cannot put my finger on an issue at the moment... but seems as if something is awry anyhow. Will everyday always feel like this? I am not "looking" for problems... I like the peace. But somehow I feel like it will blow up again, soon- very soon. It is probably MY head issues... I have succombed to it - I don't feel so NT now. Nothing to be done... just keep busy, stay positive & release on this blog.

Do You Twitter?

I have discovered that I like the online app, Twitter> www.twitter.com/somewannaknow is my screen name... I have many 'acquantinces' on there that are Autism advocates & I have met some neat people. Thought I would share... Oh, Gavin Bollard is on there, too!

The Zac Browser

The Zac Browser- created by a parent with Autistic children in mind. Works well for any child, in my opinion. Keeps the child on certain sites, with minimal distractions, such as ads, pop-ups, etc.

User-friendly to use & Free to download!

"We have made this browser for the children - for their enjoyment, enrichment, and freedom. Children touch it, use it, play it, interact with it, and experience independence through ZAC." -zacbrowser.com

Watch a AP news report about it here .

Must see! No problems so far... love it, actually!

Making Picture Schedules

Making Picture Schedules & Story Strips for daily life for someone with AS.

Thanks to dotolearn.com for the clip art. I have a 6 yo son with Asperger's, as many of you know. We have a very hard time transitioning him into getting dressed for our Bible Services, especially. He knows he will be sitting, though we allow him to draw, write & look at books while there, hence the non-cooperativeness. He usually opts out of the choices we give him to do while there & wiggles around instead. Understandable, we are lenient in this situation. We allow him to undo his top button & take off his shoes while sitting; which is way more than would be otherwise expected, I think.

So, in light of this, I have made several Picture/ Visuals for him & it helps, so we will stick with it till it stops helping. Thought I would share...

Asperger's Oriented Books I Love

Four Books that I cannot get enough of & use them for references throughout my life:

*The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood a definitive handbook for anyone affected by AS.

The chapters examine: causes & indications of the syndrome; the diagnosis & its effect on the individual; theory of mind; the perception of emotions in self and others; social interaction; including friendships; long-term relationships; teasing, bullying & mental health issues; the effect of AS on language & cognitive abilities, sensory sensitivity, movement & co-ordination skills; career development.

*Parenting Your Asperger Child by Alan Sohn, Ed.D, and Cathy Grayson, M.A. individualized solutions for teaching your child practical skills

The chapters examine: everyday challenges- from getting dressed, to riding in the car, to applying for a job; improving interactions in social situations & school integration.

*The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome by Maxine C. Aston a guide to living in an intimate relationship with a partner who has AS.

The chapters examine: the initial diagnosis; OCD or Special Interests; Socializing; Communication; Living & coping with AS; Getting your message across; Anger & AS; Sex; Money; Parenting; Routines; AS cannot be blamed for everything!; Staying Together

Thoughts I Gleaned...

• We- and our children- are shaped by our experiences, failure, disappointment, and fear can make it difficult to push ahead & to try again.

• It takes practice to find the factors to contribute to success.

• There are some things that will never change, when you have AS.

• Much can be done, though, to teach skills for coping outside of it & to teach a measure of comfort.

-thoughts gleaned from Oasis Guide to AS

Must See Short Film on Asperger's

A Short Film made by some students about Asperger's. Using Biomotion/ like Claymation... http://biomation.blogspot.com/2008/01/aspergers-film-version-1.html Must see for all Aspergians & family members alike!

I Don't Want to be Classified as a "CUREBIE"!

What is a curebie?

(Taken from "Life w/Asperger's" blog) You are a curebie if any of the following ring a bell.

1. You think that one day, with enough funding, someone will invent a magic pill, therapy or operation that the kid can take which will make them Neurotypical (NT).

2. You think that you can simply change a kids diet, parents, proximity to power sources, TV or Game viewing/playing hours and they'll suddenly become NT.

3. You think you can make a kid NT by electroshocking them, beating them, locking them up or otherwise torturing them into normality.

4. You think that being Aspie or Autistic is wrong..wrong...wrong. A burden thrust onto you (a parent) which needs to be "fixed".

5. You don't think anyone would be happy the way they are unless they are NT.

6. All you want is for your child to be the same as everyone else's child.

7. You think that any money collected for autistic children should be funneled into research into finding a cure rather than being spent on improving their quality of life.

8. Your child's condition diminishes your love for him/her - you'd love them more if they were NT.

9. You're certain that Asperger's or Autism isn't genetic, it's caused by outside/environmental factors which can be cured.

(That being quoted, I look/have looked into ways to relieve my son's moods... I was looking for relief.  If something simple presents itself & brings relief that HE views as relief, then I will most likely stick with it, with no regrets!!)

Having High Expectations

HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS when working/parenting your as child

Do not assume the person cannot do something just because the person has Autism orAsperger's syndrome.

 Do not be controlled by the person's IQ score.

 It is very difficult to accurately measure the IQ of a child who has Autism. 

Expect the person to behave, to answer you when you ask a question, to come when you call, and to complete a task you assign. The person with Autism may need more time than others to do these things and may need your help, but continue to expect good things from them.

 Above all, do not excuse bad behavior because you feel sorry for the person with Autism. 

The first change many of us need to make when we work with those with Autism is to stop thinking of persons with Autism as helpless victims. 

Persons with Autism are people. 

They are people with feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs.

They respond to positive reinforcement, love, attention, punishment, and all the things we experience in life. 

However, they may respond in different ways.

 

Are Aspergians really Rude & Inconsiderate?

Quote from John Elder Robinson's article on Psychology Today Blog, entitled "Are Aspergians Really Rude & Inconsiderate?"

"Sometimes people ask me, "What kind of person should a guy with Asperger's look for?"I can't speak for you, but this is an answer that's worked for me:

People with Asperger's have very weak sensitivity to other people's thoughts and feelings. But we often offset that with exceptionally strong logical brains. Therefore, we are wise to seek a mate with exceptional emotional sensitivity and less logical brainpower. Then, our mental abilities compliment each other's. One of us has great emotional intelligence, and the other has great logical intelligence. Individually, we're each weak. Together, though, we are very strong."

Perfect for me to understand as a non-aspie.   Thanks John Elder for making it clear & for helping me take one step closer tounderstanding this commonly misunderstood "language".

I ♥ My Aspie!

I say it with pride!! I have a life full of them, it defines my life now. I cannot escape the facts! .....

I ♥♥♥ the Aspies in my life !!

I don't say it out of hurtfulness, I don't say it to be derogatory.

It is a term of affection & I am sticking with that.

Name-calling is not accepted in our home, by the way. I think this term is cute & don't ask me why I want to use 'cute' terms...

I don't know why. As you can see from the random pictures in this post, I just like CUTE things!

I also add "y" to other words, like THING-Y, for instance.

If anyone uses this term negatively, then shame on them. We cannot always NOT OFFEND, as we are all different & think & speak differently. Differences should be celebrated.

My family uses the term lightly with the 3, count 'em THREE Aspies living in the house. I don't hear or use the term daily. It is said occassionally, at random times.

I don't even call my guys with AS "ASPIES" to their faces, unless they are really 'stewing' for a long while over something. It helps them to snap out of it sometimes. I don't use the term AT ALL with my youngest, as he is not dealing well with terms of endearment right now, in general.

We use it to identify Aspergian traits- not to stifle them, but to keep differences well spoken of. I am screwed up, yes?!! No?!?? I don't know, but it works for us. Keeping differences, not to take center stage, but for acceptance to others in the family. (As I re-read this statement, it does not do justice to what I am TRYING to say... I'm sorry my rant is not taking the logical route today.) My dh has opinions on how I act; he calls it "obstinance". No offense taken by me... I accept that I am not perfect in every way. What IS perfection anyhow? What IS normal? After exploring this issue for a couple of years now, the family accepts the differences, it is not an insult... it is just a LOGICAL fact that my Aspies cannot deny!! Logic rules their lives, remember? I have read: "Author and speaker Liane Holliday Willy coined the term "Aspie" in 1999 and people with the the syndrome might refer to one another with this term."

AS & DRIVING

I am asking all ones with Asperger's to respond & all parents who have had AS drivers in their families to respond.

Does AS affect attention span during driving?

We can all be distracted while driving, that is a given... but what about stimming while driving?

What if we start getting deep into our thoughts & cannot remember how we arrived at our destination or missed a turn & never arrived?

That is when it becomes a problem.

I have a teen son who is taking Driver's Ed & frankly, I am worried about it. He has AS... he claims, when practicing driving that he "did not know" that law, or did not "see" that curb.

He passed the intial permit test, obviously, because he can drive with an adult in the car.

Any advice? Any lessons learned? Care to share?

Milk & Hyperactivity

Today I am thinking of Milk Sensitivities & their relation to hyperactivity. My soon-to-be 6 yo son is very active. HYPER-active, that is. Last week, I took the dive & cut down his milk intake by half. Wonders of wonders! His activity level just about halved, too! We had already taken him off of artificial food colorings a year ago, which helped tremendously with tantrums & meltdowns. But, the milk thing, I had put off, after he realized I had switched his ever-loving WHOLE MILK for SOY! Horrors! He banned all milk intake for 4 days when he realized he had been tricked... so, I was turned off by the idea last year. So, we tried again & seeing as he is more reasonable this go-around, it is working. He is not screaming for his milk, he says he understands that the milk makes him feel bad. Last week, in the middle of a tantrum, he declared that he did not like the way he was feeling. He has been on half of what he consumed for over a week & things are looking up. :) Not drinking cow’s milk is certainly a simple and safe intervention to try. And, as we like to say, if what you are doing works, don’t mess with it. But if it doesn’t work, try something else.

Pondering New Obsessions

Today I am thinking about my sons' obsessions.

• the soon-to-be 6 yo is now obsessed with Spore game & the new puppies outside.



• The teenage Aspie is obsessed with weight-lifting... gaining muscle weight, etc.

What causes this?

Some obsessing is natural, huh?

When does it become unnatural? When it starts interfering with necessary actions in life, then it is considered unnatural, right?

Just wondering in general about this... nothing important.